Christmas Letter December 2010
It’s the first year that I have ever had ‘writers block’ for my Christmas letter. Usually it just flows, but this year I’ve waited, and I’ve waited and still the ink does not flow. So I have to blog it!
This year has been ……………………Hard. I have played Hard…….We have had some wonderful celebrations this year, including my 40th birthday, and two 1st Holy Communions. I cannot believe that my first-born’s teenage birthday is approaching as I write. I have also been forced to re-discover life beyond babies, since my last born (3) has now graduated to nursery. The Tate, the Ballet, the Cinema, Studio Music, Essex Uni Theatre, my Faith, my Friends, camping at Worth Abby, The village and church of Firle in Sussex and her Beacon, and my Love of writing have all featured. I am blessed.
I have studied Hard…… and am now an N.H.S Health Trainer, part-time at Harwich Hospital. I have met and listened to some very special people including a father of 3, now in his late 60’s, wheelchair bound from the age of 33. Brain damaged from a road accident. One of the most humbling people I have ever met in my life. He communicates with great difficulty, but manages to tell me he is happy to have his life…..
Another client, the loveliest kindest man you could ever wish to meet. Lonely, grieving for his wife, diabetic, obesely overweight, and sadly had to have his toes amputated. He told the office if he ever had a daughter he wished she would be like me :O/ …… A lovely lady who was harsh and verbally spiked on our first session, found it incredibly hard to smile and suffered from deep sadness and depression. I have discovered she has a beautiful smile when she laughs, twinkling eyes and has much Love…..
These people have blessed my life. Society has forgotten some of my clients, some live alone and are desperately lonely. Our time together is one of me trying to give them skills and tools to re-educate and empower themselves to change their behaviour, which long-term will ease and aid their ailments. Some of them physically, sadly come to me so late. But I have found a great reward and warmth in just being with them for one hour a week for six weeks. Then sadly I have to learn to let them go. I don’t want to. I want to stay being a friend to them. They have warmed my life. They are full of genuine gratitude. I try to encourage them to join a club, as I am sad for them losing our contact. I pray for them.
I have Loved Hard this year……… Loved where I have Least felt like loving. I have forced myself to Love where I have felt like screaming. Forced myself to Love where I have felt like hating. I have forced myself to Love where I have faced exclusion. When I have felt like turning around in anger and walking the other way, I have forced myself to turn back and face head on with Love. It has been really hard and there have been many tears, tears of frustration. And now I understand The Cross, and God’s awesomely selfless sacrifice, but mostly I understand ever enduring Love. And now The Cross looks like the most perfectly carved Love heart I have ever seen.
I have searched Hard this year. This year I have learnt that understanding transforms energy into Love. My clients teach me Love, in gratitude. My friends teach me Love, in unyielding support. My family teaches me Love unconditional. My Beloved teaches me Love eternal. And so this year come midnight, Christ-Mass will have an extra special meaning to me.
When we raise our toast of mulled wine on Christmas morning, we will toast you all with Love. We will remember ‘Vinegar Tom Cat’ and his 15 years of loyal and lovely companionship, and I will make a wish that next year is a gentle and peaceful one x Merry Christmas and Love by candle light
…..and I’ll leave you with a couple of lines from one of my poems…..
“It doesn’t matter how hard I try to extinguish Your Will, A candle lighting another candle looses nothing in its quest, Until in Your perpetual light I rest.”
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Now for christmas letter 2011 …… No excuses!