In the winter of 2009, when I was on my R.C.I.A course, our newly instated Fr, led us in meditation. It was a deeply moving and desperately painful and emotional experience. Christ was being sacrificed on the cross, and having followed Him on his gruesome final journey, we endured with Him in excruciatingly intimate detail, His Passion. It was so close, not only could I physically feel the pain, I could taste it in my mouth. I felt nothing short inside of hysterical, on the outside my distress was evident, I was broken and helpless and had no choice but to surrender to the situation. Mournful.
He was being crucified and so was I. I Loved my R.C.I.A course, but for every class I endured, inside was a mini crucifixion. The other three members of my intimate faith class were going to be resurrected in to new life, by being officially received in to the Catholic Church, and I could not be, because of my circumstances.
Dearest people, If you ever have children, Please, do not Christen them Church of England, unless you have every intention of raising them within a Church of England Christian Context. Had I not have been christened C of E, and then educated in secular society, I could now personally choose (after having addressed some issues) to be baptised a Catholic, and so have been received in to my Beloved Roman Catholic Church.
Another year on and this Lent has been equally as torturous, again I watch the newly faithful be welcomed into my church family. I can not be received in unless one of two people lose their life, or I declare publicly that I am living a celibate life as a brother/ sister within my marriage. Celibacy and the lack of intimate physical warmth and affection at 41 is crucifying enough, locally and publicly acknowledging it and then having to commit to living the rest of your life that way, is something else all together.
This Lent I have thought many times of Christ in His final minutes of Life, and almost every day I offer up my hurt for Him, for how desperately He must have felt abandoned and forsaken.
I am absolute in my belief that Christ is the son of God, for again and again human love falls short, has limits.
His Love however, is Limitless.